Faced with the creeping menace of competence, the Sadness Syndicate responded with what they knew best: an emergency Trust Circle. Held in the sacred corner of the office previously reserved for unused yoga mats and inspirational quotes printed in Comic Sans, the meeting was titled: “Returning to Our Emotional Ecosystem.”
Elias opened the circle by gently placing a decorative rock in the center. “This,” he said, “is our Centering Stone. It has witnessed trauma.” No one asked how a river pebble from IKEA had survived such peril, but the implication was clear: this was going to be serious.
Tam had been invited, of course. Compelled, actually. It was phrased in the calendar as “mandatory-voluntary,” the new standard for opt-in coercion. He sat uncomfortably on a bean bag, which promptly sighed under the weight of purpose.
Elias began. “Tam, we’ve noticed your energy has been very… result-oriented. This can be triggering for those of us still recovering from previous... initiatives.”
Tam blinked. “You mean... working?”
A collective gasp. Eyes widened. The pebble trembled.
Cassandra, the Chief Officer of Sentiment (a title invented during last year’s retreat), interjected. “What Tam is trying to say,” she said with slow, syrupy condescension, “is that perhaps he hasn’t yet processed the journey of completion.”
“Some of us are still processing the start,” murmured someone from the HR Sanctum.
Tam attempted honesty. “I just wanted to help.”
And that, of course, was the final betrayal. Elias clutched the pebble. “Tam, help is a colonial concept. We prefer reciprocal intentioning.”
Tam nodded slowly, as if understanding, though what he really understood was that these people had weaponized their own helplessness.
The circle closed with a candle and a vow to “be gentle with success.” Meanwhile, Tam quietly fixed the company’s file server during the cool-down visualization.
But deep inside, the sadness machines had begun to flicker. Some questioned. Some dared to try. And some, secretly, started configuring cron jobs.
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